Friday, December 30, 2005

The Dangers of Drinking Liberally

Drinking Liberally is a good thing, and if you're in Asheville you should go down to Jack of the Wood every Thursday at 7:00 and proceed to do it. You should, however, watch out for me while you're there: I'll be the one who has had too many beers and agreed to weird ass shit like running for Sheriff of Buncombe County. My head hurts today and I have dim, yet haunting, memories of having altogether too much fun. Perhaps it was actually my evil twin again. You never know when she'll show up.

Somewhere in that fun was the running for Sheriff, or perhaps Registrar of Deeds bit. Now, it's true that I can't seem to get a decent job the ordinary way here in our fair city, and possibly running for office is the only way to get a reasonable salary and benefits, not to mention all the possible kickbacks I can envision, still, I'm not sure I want to be Sheriff. My campaign manager has assured me that all I have to say is that I'm against crime, and I am, you know. Against it. Crime, that is. Truth be told, I'm not really clear on what a Sheriff does, besides run around Nottingham Forest being outwitted and plotting with the dastardly Guy of Gisbon. The Howard Pyle Guy of Gisbon seriously creeped me out as a kid, so I don't think I want to plot with him. Like every other liberal artsy chick worth her salt, I'm in love with Robin Hood anyway. Or, actually, since I figured he was probably taken, I was in love with either Alan a Dale or Will Scarlet. Always the minstrels, always the minstrels. . .

But anyhow, let's get back to this Sheriff thing. On sober reflection I have realized just how much evil fun I could have as Sheriff, and in fact this could be the first step on my long deferred plan for galactic domination. Bow down before me, minions! I am ready to redefine crime in your county; vote Felicity for sheer, anarchic weirdness and a complete, and baby I do mean complete change of regime.

And now I see that I am, in fact, running for Sheriff. Aaaaaaaaaauuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! I am afraid, very afraid!

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