It took 45 minutes at the DMV for me to change my license address and get a new license. In this time I read an entire issue of Redbook, which caused me to squirm in horror at the decorating suggestions (these fun aluminum decals fit inside one another on your wall, making wonderful shapes! Aiyeeeee!!) and convince myself that I was in imminent risk of contracting diabetes due to the coke that I had this morning, not to mention all the cokes I've ever had in my life. Add those cokes to my spring 2007 addiction to vitamin water and clearly, it is just a matter of time.
Then I went to the mechanic to get my car inspected. That was really, really fun. Not only did my car fail inspection - the back tires are just too gone to be driving on - but there was a nail in one of the BRAND FREAKIN' NEW front tires AND, get this, my brake lights don't work. No, wait, they do work. No, wait, they don't. My tail lights have apparently decided to go all dada-esque on my ass and start working only randomly. Yeah. Nifty for performance art, not so great for, you know, driving safely or not getting pulled and all that good shit. So now I'm terrified to drive the goddamn thing, to which end it is going to the Saturn dealer in the morning. Of course, for all I know, the tail lights have been random for a year and I just haven't noticed and, fortunately as hell, no police officers have noticed either and no antique Floridian tourist has rearended me. This is nothing short of a miracle and I am loath to keep on counting on it.
Oh, and in the hour and a half that I spent at the mechanics I read an entire issue of Ladies Home Journal, which convinced me that I was about to die of some kind of weird undiagnosed symptom less heart disease. Also, that marriage? Can NOT be saved, sorry. I hate the way they always save the marriage in the Ladies Home Journal. My mom said she read it for 25 years until they finally found a marriage that couldn't be saved and only then, vindicated and happy, did she stop reading. I wish I could come across one - besides my own, I mean.
MEAT PUPPETS TONIGHT!! YEAH!! I HOPE!!
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1 comment:
Oh boy, your description of your tail lights is brilliant. What is up with cars anyway?
I never read those mags lying around offices because I always imagine all the germy people who've handled them before me. Not you, the other germy people.
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