Fury - a long and very angry rant. With bad words.

I have to drive to West by god Virginia and back today. Why? Because my exhusband is a no good low down lying sack of mule shit, of course. I curse him with the strength of a thousand curses! Let his eyebrows become caterpillars and crawl down into his mouth at night! Let his bones crack incessantly! Let him never get a human operator but only suffer the hells of 1000 voicemail systems, and occasionally Betty from Calcutta!

Or I could just, you know, kill him. Which is so, so tempting, but would be wrong. Unfortunately.

My understanding was that my ex (hereafter to be known unimaginatively if accurately as The Asshole) was going to drive M straight from the beach in Delaware to Asheville YESTERDAY. The reason that this was an understanding instead of set in stone was because The Asshole basically refuses to speak to me, preferring to communicate only through M. And since The Asshole, who has a lifestyle akin to that of the Unabomber, doesn't have a phone and of course M's cel phone doesn't work in godforsaken Junior, West Virginia (yes, really. Yes, that's really where he lives.) I have barely heard from him all summer. Originally, M was supposed to be home 2 weeks ago. But then they asked if he could stay an extra 2 weeks so he could go to the beach & see The Asshole's other son, M. I said yes. Even though it meant I would only have M for one week before he goes back off to school. BECAUSE I AM AN INCREDIBLY NICE STUPID PERSON AND I LET HIM KEEP M FOR AN EXTRA TWO WEEKS SO THAT THEY COULD GO TO THE BEACH WITH A BUNCH OF MY FRIENDS FROM BALTIMORE AND I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT CONCESSIONS OF ANY KIND TO THAT FUCKING LOSER ASSHOLE ARE A HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE!

So, M's phone did work at the beach and I did talk to him several times, and it was all understood that he would be home yesterday evening EXCEPT that when I talked to him yesterday afternoon at 4:00, fully expecting that they would be on the way here it turned out that they were still at the beach because T's car had broken down and why this should have concerned them I do not know. And M said he really wanted to come home, since his dad was acting all mad and crazy but that they had to go home to WV first. This makes no fucking geographical sense of any kind.

Do you know that the Asshole told me that he had never used a cel phone before? And he seemed proud of this fact? What a pathetic loser. But do you know what? I am even more of a pathetic loser because 15 years ago I thought his frozen-in-the-ice-for-1500-years act was cute and adorable. I was so dumb.

Just for the record and to confuse everyone with my incestuous historical love life: T is the current girlfriend of my ex boyfriend B. She is also the sister of N, who is the woman The Asshole had an affair with while I was stupid enough to be married to him. Naturally. Because my life works out like that. And of course I am immediately wondering if maybe now she and The Asshole are together, since he doesn't fix cars out of the nonexistent kindness of his heart. Not that I care at all, just out of a kind of morbid train wreck curiousity. And because, well, EWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Then M called last night around 11:30 and he was all alone at N's house in Baltimore which set off instant alarms here, since it seemed like an indication that The Asshole had fallen off the wagon, and that's where I stop being funny and/or cute. So I checked trains and buses and planes and thought I would try to get him on a plane from Dulles, but then A pointed out that 1) not only does he have a metal plate in his arm & does not have a doctor's letter and/or his X-rays & today is Sunday but 2) he doesn't have a picture ID and even kids need one of those these days. M said he would call back when his father got home. He didn't. I stayed up until 3 waiting. I called him but his phone was turned off.

The Asshole called this morning at 7:15 and said he was driving to Elkins (next to Junior, where his mom lives) and would then drive to Tamarack, in Beckley WV, the sort of halfway point between here and there, and I could get M there at 7 tonight. He was extremely nasty about this as well. The fuckhead. I was so angry I could just sit there and shake and then I had to call my mom & tell her that the big meat dinner she had planned to welcome M home had to be put off until tomorrow and she immediately started in on the "Well, you should have expected . . . do you want me to come with you. . . " stuff which made me snap and yell at her. Because for my mother is always my fault, or always any woman's fault, because men are idiots and can't help themselves and women are supposed to work around behind and through them and if things don't go right it's totally the woman's fault, because men can't help themselves. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so angry with The Asshole and I'm angry with myself for this whole godforsaken summer thing and letting M go with his loser father in the first place even though I KNOW this is actually NOT my fault at all, goddamn it, except, as A says, for the part where I married a ridiculous psycho to begin with. I have no problem with driving to Tamarack, except that I wanted for once that The Asshole would behave like a semi normal human being and plan this out a couple weeks in advance or something. I offered to drive to Roanoke. I offered to drive to fucking Baltimore but The Asshole clearly had no intention of bringing M home anywhere near the time he originally agreed to.

ON TOP OF ALL THIS, DO YOU KNOW THAT FUCKER HAS NEVER GIVEN ME ONE THIN DIME IN FUCKING CHILD SUPPORT ALL THESE YEARS AND NOW HE OWES ME SOMETHING IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD OF $30,000?!?!? AND YET I NEVER ASK HIM FOR ANYTHING BECAUSE IT ISN'T WORTH TRYING TO GET BLOOD OUT OF A STONE AND IF BY CHANCE HE DOES HAVE A JOB AT THE MOMENT HE WOULD QUIT IT OUT OF PURE MEANNESS THE MINUTE I TRIED TO PUT A LIEN ON HIS CHECK? Jesus fucking christ. And M called me to ask me for spending money to take to the beach and when we were in Baltimore and he was supposed to be going off with his dad I had to give him $50 or his dad wouldn't take him to the aquarium or the zoo or anything? The man is a fucking nightmare.

And I have this noble thing where I feel like M needs to get to know his dad (who often goes 8 or more months without a phone call or postcard to his son) and that he has to make up his own mind about his father so I never talk bad about him or anything, NO, I AM SO FUCKING NOBLE IT HURTS. DAMN HIM TO HELL!