A Million Doughnuts

Since M got home he's been bugging me to take him dumpster diving. Yeah, that's why he goes to an expensive private boarding school - so his teachers can be freegans who instruct him in the finer methods of dumpster diving. Hee hee. I actually think this is pretty cool but at the same time I am conservative and hidebound and afraid of getting in trouble, so I refused to take the boys down to Patton Avenue to explore the wonders of Krispy Kreme.

They went anyway, in the dark and cold and intermittent snow. I knew nothing, yes nothing! of this; they told me they were going for a walk. Or that's what I'll say, if asked. At any rate, they called me from the dollar store, cold and tired of walking, and I went and picked them - and a trash bag full of 85 doughnuts - up. Apparently Krispy Kreme just leaves the unsold doughnuts out in boxes on racks at the end of each day, and if you want them you can go & get them. I thought the boys should have left them for the poor, but as M pointed out, "MOM! We ARE the poor!" which is sort of true. "The poor-er, then." I said. "The poor-est." But they said there were racks and racks and boxes and boxes left. A says they do the same thing at Pizza Hut. This is a strange and horrible culture we live in, you know?

So now, even though we have given away lots of doughnuts, and everyone has eaten several doughnuts (I hate doughnuts. They make me feel ill. I ate a jelly one last night, since jelly ones are the only ones I can stand, and I immediately felt deathly. Then I thought, wow, what if Krispy Kreme has decided to do something about the homeless problem by injecting their old doughnuts with arsenic? I could see the headlines now: Local Business Takes Brave New Initiative for the Homeless.) and yet there are still more doughnuts on the kitchen counter. There's not a lot you can do with old doughnuts, you know, doughnut soup is kind of out of the question, as is doughnut casserole or that old standby, doughnut loaf. Maybe I'll stuff the turkey with doughnuts.

Or maybe, you know, not.