Monday, November 07, 2005

I'm A Murderer

I did it. I took Jackson to the Humane Society and I'm crying and I feel like I'm going to throw up, I feel like a murderer, and, to top things off, somehow or other my blind dog blog has gotten some press and I have two emails from two people who also have crazy blind hounds and they're telling me to hang in there. I needed those today, when it's too late, and I feel like total and utter shit.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry it had to come to this. I'm sorry that the breeder who produced that dog wasn't responsible enough to put the puppy down. I'm sorry that Jackson was an untrainable, impossible dog who almost certainly had brain damage. I tried and tried and tried and I just couldn't take it anymore.

I've had dogs my whole life and I've never encountered anything remotely like this. I suck. I am an evil, evil, worthless human being. There. That's all I have to say.

It's 3:00 in the afternoon and I'm going to go get drunk now.

1 comment:

Kilgore Trout said...

Sorry about your loss. Life is full of impossibly tough decisions. Keep your head up and know that you did the absolutely best you could do. Naturally, the guilt will be there for awhile, but the mere fact that you are so upset about this decision shows that you have a wonderful caring heart. Keep it that way.