Saturday, April 11, 2009

The Three Day Weekend, Part One

Do you know how nice it is to realize that even if I didn't get things done today, there are TWO and not one day to get them done tomorrow? Yeah. It's that nice. It's so amazingly great not to be working for three days that I went and bought a Powerball ticket. Think good thoughts. Sure, there are people out there living in cardboard shacks with seven children with leukemia and no satellite dish and you might think that the lottery gods would favor them but hey. I adopted another dog. And the lottery figures heavily into my retirement plans. In fact, now that I have done my taxes, I think I can honestly say that it is my only retirement plan, and so, okay, lottery, I am peacefully awaiting your bounty.

Actually, I was sort of very efficient for me today. I went to the Tire Barn yet again to get yet another slow tire leak fixed. Have I mentioned that there is a bucolic mural of fences and goats and cows at the back of the Tire Barn yet? Because if I have not, I should. I might not have also mentioned that the oldest guy at the Tire Barn (the youngest guy is probably in his mid 50s, so take it from there) is extremely international, in that he has Roman hands and Russian fingers. Ha ha! There you have a joke dredged up from the dawn of time, resurrected in the spirit of Easter! That joke last walked the earth with Jesus himself! And we laughed so hard we fell off our pet dinosaurs.

However, he does. Roam and rush, I mean. And I am not one of your postmodern tough chicks who is able to chase off a 74 year old man who is hanging all over me. I sort of feel like I deserve it or something and besides, it's tough to smack an old man who is simultaneously attempting to feel up your tits and show you his hideously cancer deformed forearm. I mean, what do you do? "Fuck off, Grandad!" Smack. "Oh. Um. Ooops, well, hope that didn't burst the chemo scars too bad."

This last time I avoided Mr. Huggy by spending way more time in the Goodwill next door (there are many reasons why the Tire Barn is awesome. One of them is that it is next door to the thrift store, which ought, really , be de rigeur by law for all mechanics) buying plates that will shortly be smashed up to make mosaics. Which brings me to the main point of this post: if the weather is sunny and warmish tomorrow and you feel like shoving broken ceramics and glass into mortar, please stop by. This is a big project and the more the merrier. It's dirty, absorbing and extremely tedious work but you do get to smash things with a hammer, so, you know, how bad can it be? And then you can drive by my house later and feel that warm glow of satisfaction that only comes with keeping West Asheville property values well down and affordable.

Oh and here is another picture of Perdita. Jodi says that she is a tough dog but honestly, look at that. Is she tough? You should see the way her tail whirls around in circles like a propeller. That is not the tail of a tough dog. No, that is the tail of a very sweet dog who has made it imperative that I win the lottery so she can have only the best dog bones in the whole world.

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