Mornings

I give up. Mornings just have to be abolished. As soon as I become Evil Queen of the Galaxy, I'm going to make it happen. Somehow. In some way that things will happen without me actually waking up because clearly, that's impossible. I set two alarm clocks last night. (I also mopped the kitchen floor and scrubbed every inch of the bathroom, but my bruised, chipped and battered heart got another setback, so that's par for the course.) Yes, two alarm clocks, one of which was freshly obtained from my mother so you know it worked and one of which was obtained from my mother umpteen years ago and you know it used to work before we moved but maybe it was highly location specific. It certainly doesn't get WNCW anymore but then that's no great loss since I've lost my taste for waking up to 1940s cowboy warbling, go figure. Anyway, to noone's great surprise, I must report that neither alarm clock went off. Both failed to alarm. Unalarming was the order of the morning. And the canine alarm clock slept late which meant that I woke up at 7:40 which is absolutely completely very bad no good and horrible when M has to leave the house at 7:45 if he wants to catch the bus. So we had another fun ass morning of shout, shout, unwashed M into car, traffic hell (we are SO much further away from Asheville High School in the new house and it is just no good at all) etc, etc, dogs unwalked and me 40 minutes late to work. I am consequently bitter and disinclined to effort. Also, my throat hurts.

My throat hurts because my extremely local economy, to wit, my household, is suffering a financial slump and so I've switched from American Spirit Ultra Lights to Camel Lights, which are a dollar less a pack and which I used to smoke back in the bad old days before hippies had their own special brand. I have noticed that they make far better smoke rings than Spirits do, but for whatever reason they don't taste real or right and I end up smoking lots more of them. Bah.

In other news, Django went on another rampage yesterday and I'm terribly afraid that he'll do it again today since he wasn't walked this morning. Although I did beat the tar out of him this morning in a horrific display of misdirected temper at the general morning and also because he had my goddamn black Bic lighter in his mouth, which is a bit much to take when said mouth is located on a dog who is standing in the den which is completely covered in bits of fluff, foam and upholstery from one of my couch cushions which he essentially destroyed yesterday. And his collar. This is the third damn collar he's gone through in a month and if he hadn't eaten it he'd be tied up way out in the yard today because mama has HAD it. Again.