Thursday, January 12, 2006

Trivia and Paranoia

My friend J kindly hosted an online (IRC) trivia game last night. I was really looking forward to this game, because I think of myself as somewhat of a trivia whiz. No, let's be honest, I think of myself as the trivia QUEEN, the galactic overlord of trivia: I think I am it, the shizznit, the bees knees, the all time trivia genius of the galaxy. But last night, yet again, my reality came into terrible, heart wrenching conflict with consensus reality. Turns out I suck at trivia. I am the worst, the loser, the ultimate trivia fool. I came in 3rd - to last. 3rd to last, and the two people I beat really weren't taking it seriously.

I was a bit distraught, so A consulted the Magic 8 Ball, which said that yes, we should go on down to the bar. The Westville, though, was totally noisy and packed with people I have never seen before in my life. This is my neighborhood pub, the place I frequent, where, as the song goes, everybody knows my name, or at least the bartenders do anyway, and R, who's always there playing pool. So it was weird to know noone there. People get strange, when you're a stranger, people seem strange, when you're alone. You know? However, they have a trivia machine. A & I sat down and played trivia, and I won handily. I won several times. I could have gotten the high score if we weren't playing two player! Yes! I was the trivia queen again. Now, okay, it is true that the machine questions were along the lines of: What Guinness record was created with 400 tortillas, 1/2 a ton of refried beans, 30 heads of lettuce, etc, and the multiple choice answers included Worlds' Largest Burrito as well as three other joke answers like Greatest Heartburn (hyuck, yuck!) I don't care. It made me feel better.

Meanwhile, paranoia. It used to be, in my life, that things just happened or came along: good grades, a boyfriend, a job, a social life ~ they all just sort of appeared without tremendous effort on my part. This happy chain of circumstances has ground to a halt and I don't like it, nor do I know how to cope. So I'm wondering if (pause for sinister music, this will do nicely) there is a conspiracy against me! Well, okay, not a conspiracy, but maybe somebody put the evil eye on me? Or possibly I'm being blacklisted? Or the Asheville vortex is attempting to spit me back out? (really, having this music on is definitely helping me take these wild accusations seriously. Click that link! If this was myspace I'd have it as background music, bwah ha ha!) As noted in a recent post, this is the time of the month when things and people conspire against me, no one loves me, and I am martyred, defenseless and sad. Mr. Bill was not in the house last night, which made me go to bed worried, and then he didn't appear first thing this morning, although at some point in the wee hours he'd kindly left us a gift by the kitchen door, a lovely dead brown field mouse. When I opened the door this morning and he didn't come in, I immediately just knew he was dead, and I thought about breaking down and crying, but instead I drank coffee and fretted and mourned, and then I figured out that, clearly, someone in the neighborhood was killing cats! I was all ready to call the police and the newspaper and the fire department and/or go buy a gun and stalk the evil cat killer myself when Mr. Bill sauntered in, asked if I liked the mouse and demanded his breakfast. I feel a little better now. You can turn the music off.

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