Lucky this Morning

Not so hungover after all; possibly since I stopped drinking at like 9:30 last night and watched Shaun of the Dead (hysterical) and then, obviously, started scanning & posting images here. I'm a little worried about them actually and considering deleting; there's a school of thought that says you should maintain anonymity at all costs and never post your picture, lest the deranged stalker people find you and start their dastardly deeds. I go back and forth on this one. . sometimes I believe it, sometimes I think, the hell with it, go ahead and stalk, make my day. At any rate I kind of doubt anyone could recognize me today from those two pictures, LOL.

Wondering why I'm thinking about the past and realizing that, while you're supposed to be much more confident when you're as old as I am, I actually have somehow gotten less. I think it has something to do with living near my mother for the first time since I was 23. I used to have tremendous confidence in my own ability to create and live by my own moral & otherwise code, to be completely unique, but then somewhere along the way I got lost and started trying to live by the dominant paradigm. With, of course, sort of unremittingly awful results. I'm not normal and I'm tired of trying to pretend I am. Also, I don't make enough money to be normal. And I rejected a lot of middle American socio/sexual mores a long time ago; when did I lose my mind and start listening to idiots on the media who were trying to sell me the Rules? Fuck that shit. I can't live like that, and I'm tired of wanting a relationship, so I'm just not going to want one anymore. I'm going to have fun, dammit, and stop worrying so much. The angst is wearing me down; I'm done with it.