Monday, September 21, 2009

Mommy Blogging

So I see from the latest Mountain Xpress that there is going to be a mommy blogger conference right here in Asheville. I kind of got irritated, actually, when I saw that my name wasn't up there as a mommy blogger but then I was forced to pause and reflect on the fact that I am not, actually, a mommy blogger. I have two children, or, rather, I had two children but some years went past and they were replaced with adults in a process that I apparently kind of missed, because I still get a bit weepy eyed and surprised when I come across something like Panda, who is a well loved stuffed animal I found in a closet the other day. "Oh Panda," I snuffled, "Your little boy is not around anymore." It was awful - I'm telling you, it was horrifying. The sentimentality alone sent the sugar content of the air up way too high. Thank the gods that nobody was there to make a cutting, ironic remark, particularly the little boy in question, who specializes in cutting, ironic remarks. Anyhow, my kids are adults now, basically, although the younger one is still sort of in progress, which means that sometimes he's an adult and sometimes he fades in and out and is not at all an adult, which, actually, you could say about me too, so perhaps it is genetic.

However, even if my children were smaller you would not find me at a Type-A Mom conference because frankly I'm much more of a Type-Z Mom. I mean, I have a postcard on my fridge that says I feel if the kids are still alive at five, I've done my job. I am the kind of mother who occasionally took a margarita in a go cup to the playground where my filthy children tussled around on top of the monkey bars while clean, cared for children looked on in envy. I let them run around the neighborhood all on their own and ride public transportation and go with their friends to the park. Sometimes I pulled them out of school for a mental health day and we would all go have a picnic or go to the zoo or just play motel by dragging the air conditioner and the TV into my bedroom so we could lie on the bed and watch TV and eat junkfood. I let them jump on the beds every time we went to an actual motel and when they were babies, I not only weaned them to a bottle, I let them go to bed with said bottle clutched in their chubby fists. By modern standards, I was a frighteningly terrible mother and probably should have been arrested. Oh well. Guess what? Their teeth are fine. They're great people. They even have manners, although how that happened I will never know (I suspect my mother.) They're pretty much completely fine in every way, even wonderful, even amazing - and we all survived lice and broken arms and angry teacher conferences and came out the other side okay. It's been a relief and while I'm sure I would have had a mommy blog if somebody had gotten around to inventing them ten or fifteen years ago, I'm kind of glad I didn't. Because the cutting, ironic remarks would be flinging even faster if I had.


Edgy Mama said...

I wish you were coming, so I'd have a compatriot. I'm not very good in groups of "girls," and I assume I'll offend a number of them by expressing my opinions about product reviews (unethical and evil) and making sure that they know that I'm not really a "mommy" blogger, even though there'ss a giant photo of my face on the cover of Mt. X with those words floating across my hands. Because when I was asked, I was flattered. And of course, that's what my life looks like every afternoon after school (my girl hasn't smiled like that at a camera in a year. I think the fotog drugged her when I wasn't looking).

Plus I think your blog should've been listed (I think you're the only blogger who is a mom who I read regularly). I mean, there were two blogs on the list who are the same person, and she now lives in California. Another person hasn't blogged in over a year. So really, it's kind of a weak list.

Sorry for blogging on your blog.

mygothlaundry said...

Heh, well, your picture was a hit here at work. Everyone said, "look, there's C & A! Don't they look great! Oh, is that their mom? Huh." I remember when Miles used to mug for the camera, back before he decided it stole his soul. Now the most recent picture I have of him is like two years old and he's looking away. All this growing up stuff sucks.

No, I shouldn't be on the list - I'm really not a mommy blogger in any way and that's cool. Plus I'm not really a fan of the genre; I think with the advent of the mom blogs, people have gotten a bit hysterical over parenting. Sometimes I worry about that, helicopter parenting as I've seen it called. It's been around for years but it seems to be ramping up & I think it's bad for everyone, parents & kids. . . but, well, not my problem.

Somebody emailed me about product reviews! I totally want schwag. Then I will write mean things about it.

Edgy Mama said...

Your colleagues reaction makes me laugh, because since I rarely show my face at my kids' school, avoid kid sporting events whenever possible, and never take my kids to church (Drew does), I've heard a lot of folks saw that photo and said, "Oh, those kids do have a mom."

Salty Miss Jill said...

Dang, woman. You sound like the best mom ever.

Gratuitous said... I'm not the only one who wondered about the caliber of the list. But then, I get very attached to certain blogs, and am hurt when a blogger doesn't post very often or just quits without taking it down. But then, I get mad when a blogger goes away on vacation and not only fails to give me enough notice, but also announces proudly that they will not even be taking their laptop so they won't even be tempted to blog even though there are only about 7 square feet of dead computer/internet space left on this planet. I get mad because I get to caring about you and how you experience things and how you tell me about it. Y'all got something to say, and more people want to hear it than you might otherwise have room for in your life. So let's not worry about lists and categories.

I know a bit about moms. I had a mom until I was six. And then I didn't have one. And then I had another mom. And then another mom, the mom of my kids. I love moms - all of you - because you're just so... mommy (mom-like & mommish don't work here).