Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Local Politics

I tell you what, Carl Mumpower is just the gift that keeps on giving. Check out his latest brilliant idea (you have to get to the last paragraph, Something Smells Fishy, or so to discover the true glory.) I'll wait while you read it and then spit your coffee all over your keyboard.

Yup, you read that right. Our esteemed City Council Person wants to put drug sniffing dogs and random searches into the city parks. Hey that's a GREAT idea! Why not? And while we're at it, let's find out what they're reading, and burn it. It will make the parks so fun and friendly! "Mommy, why is the police officer pulling Daddy's pants off?" I mean, frankly, I am in AWE of the greatness of this idea, because it means that the parks will be completely deserted again, so I can let my dogs run illegally off leash - they can frolic with the drug dogs. While we're at it, I think everyone at the park should be questioned as to their politics, their taste in music and oh, hell, why not - their clothing. I would actually pay good money to watch dress code enforcement at the park.

See, I don't care, because I personally hardly ever carry illegal drugs to the park, so, you know, I'm safe. Why should I care if people are getting strip searched at the playground if they don't strip search me? The Constitution is stupid and people who go to the park are probably suspect anyway; real Americans want nothing to do with nature. Health care is wrong! I have health care through my husband's job so why should I care about anyone else? It will never go away and then when I'm old I'll have Medicaid but any kind of government interference in healthcare for anybody except me is just evil socialism and horrible and will make us weak and . . . Whooops! Sorry, channeling Republicans through my fillings again.

Anyway, as we know, I don't usually do all that much political coverage, but this, from Carl "Ratdog Concert" Mumpower, is just so great, I had to share. For the out of towners, the history here is that a couple of years ago he went to a Ratdog concert. There was marijuana smoke. He pitched a big old fit and demanded something equally insane be done that I have mercifully forgotten. Machine gunning? Random strip searches again? Decapitation of guys with beards? Something like that. Then for a while a brisk trade was done outside all Asheville concerts of Mumpower face masks so that everyone could be anonymous. That was totally fun. I'm more than half convinced that he is actually a performance artist and not a politician at all. At least, I can hope, right?

The primary is October 6, which is to say, next Tuesday. I will be at my precinct voting (I like to go and vote on Election Day - fie, I say, on this early voting convenience crap. It's too convenient and I don't trust it. *Waves cane.*) for Gordon Smith, who is my friend and will be an actual city council person as opposed to a raving loon and probably for Cecil Bothwell as well, although he seems to have lost his sense of humor sometime in the last five years and that worries me. LIghten up, Cecil! Oh and in the spirit of Lightening Up I will be voting heavily for Shad Marsh, because, you know, tigers. Poland. Clearly there is no choice, there.

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