Thursday, March 19, 2009

Small Irritations

There's a sticker on the paper towel dispenser at work that says "These are made from trees." There's a little leaf on it and under the leaf it helpfully informs you that this sticker will save 100 trees or 1000 trees or 100 pounds of trees or something. The print is small and I can't be bothered to go up and look at it. I have taken against this sticker. For one thing, if paper towels come from trees, then where do stickers come from? Immaculate conception of purely green space fuel that doesn't affect the planet? And also, it's like those baby on board signs that used to be on every other car in the mid 90s. Just as those made me quit my habit of ramming random cars for fun and profit, this sticker is really cramping my style: now I feel guilty when I sit on the toilet at work and compulsively shred paper towels by the hundreds. Now that I know they come from trees, gee. I guess I should cut them in half before drying my hands or something, because the next person who comes into the bathroom is so totally going to use a half paper towel that's sitting by the sink instead of grabbing one out of the dispenser.

In other news, I took all three dogs to the park this morning and didn't manage to lose even one of them. Rats. Three dogs, while a nice idea, is one dog too many for my lifestyle. I've long since resigned myself to the fact that I will always have animals - that's just how I masochistically roll and really, I love the fact that when you sit on the chairs in my living room a puff of dust and dog dander rises to the ceiling - but while two dogs can be laughed off as a charming affectation, three dogs is skating perilously close to the beginning of one of those obsessions where finally the cops have to come and repossess your 857 animals and burn your house down. It would be better not to go there, I feel.

So, gentle reader, do you not need a dog? You do. You need a 6 month old brown girl dog who is very smart and sweet, really you do. Or possibly you need a 6 or 7 year old collie who is awesome at scaring away squirrels. I'm not even going to try to convince you that you need a hyper 2 year old springer spaniel who eats furniture - that's how nice I am - but you need a puppy. Yes, yes you do. Email me and I will give you one.


jenn said...

that dog is totally cute. i've tried to convince kyle that really, 4 cats and 18 chickens aside, what we need is a dog. a nice brown log dog. for some reason he's worried we would be labeled as animal hoarders.

Anonymous said...

I covet the dog, I am drawn to the dog, probably because of her name and apparent spirit. However my current dog does not play well with others. Plus, twelve hour rescue mission. But she looks like an awesome dog who will make someone very happy.

- rainbaby