Why are there no tights for tall people?
Why do they lie so blatantly on labels, where they say
One size fits all
Because it does not
Unless I am not one of all
Which is possible but depressing.
And the labels say these tights will fit women up to 5'10" and 150 pounds
I am 5'10.5" and 160 pounds or okay, a little more, but who's counting?
Woe!
Woe to the tights manufacturers
And also unto the manufacturers of leggings
Particularly the cheap pair I tried to wear today
That had a butt built in
of all peculiar things
But were tight around the thighs, making me walk funny
And They Fell Down All Day.
Woe!
Woe to the small skinny short girls with their tights
Argyle and plum and striped, with skulls and paisleys and fun polka dots
Sneering short girls with groovy tights
that I will never have
If I am lucky I can find tights, maybe
Off black, a horrid misnomer for a strange and moldy grey, with control top
Oh control tops which should be regulated by the Geneva conventions
For they are cruel and unusual and make
The fat rise up to your neck
It has to go somewhere.
Woe!
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3 comments:
Tights are crazy, for sure. I hate the ones that come in two sizes- 5'0" to 5'6", and 5'6"+. My Mom always buys the smaller size, because she always forgets that althought we can sometimes wear the same size, she is 5'2" and I am almost 5'7". And then I have the tights where the crotch is at knee level and I walk through NYC like a penguin. Not so flashy.
I think you must be 5'8" and weigh exactly 130 for tights to fit properly.
I get the sag around the ankles. Such a sexy look!
Well, now that global warming has hit, coupled with a nifty resurgence in kneesocks, I'm abandoning tights. Ha! Take that, tight manufacturors of America! You won't have me to kick around anymore!
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