My Children Are Demons

It has come to my attention that my kids are demonspawn. I had kind of thought this before but now I think we have empirical proof. I like to think of myself as an easygoing and tolerant person. I think I'm openminded and friendly with all ethnic groups, even those originating in other dimensions, but I have a slight problem with this. That problem would be origins - whence came this demonic tendency? Usually, when my kids demonstrate some failing that might be genetic, I happily blame it on their fathers, and so far in their lives, this has worked admirably, since their failings tend to be dissimilar and thus easily blameable on the defective DNA contributed by dads one and two. This time though. . . this time they're acting alike and even I must see the truth: the cursed apple doesn't fall far from the twisted boughs of Yggdrasil, after all.

How do I know they're demonspawn? Well, first they hatched a plan to take all of M's disciplinary referrals, those dreaded sheets of paper the school sends home wheny your kid does something truly unspeakable, and make a lovely display of them. "I"m going to have a 9th grade wall, a 10th grade wall, an 11th grade wall and a 12th grade wall," said M, falling over himself with his own wit. "And I'm going to highlight the best ones so they really stand out and I can show them to people and reminisce." "Aaaarghhhh." I said, and then the kids cheerfully informed me of their plans for the day.

They're going to the gun show at the Civic Center. Not only are they going to the gun show, they're stopping at McDonalds first, and they made up a little song and dance number about the gun show which they have just performed in the living room to great hilarity. The words go something like this: "The gun show, the gun show! We're going to the gun show! To look at guns because we like them! We want to shoot things! The gun show! We'll eat Big Macs and go to the gun show!"

This is it. This is probably finally the time when I completely lose the last shreds of my hippie mom cred and get ridden out of Asheville on a rail, tarred and feathered by an irate crowd of yoga teaching vegan astral healers and their peaceful Indigo children. I knew it was coming. You just can't fight genetics.