PMS and My Dog Toby

I'm really worried about Toby but I'm not entirely sure if this worry is justified or if it's just PMS. I tend to get obsessively concerned about things this time of the month, it is true. It is also true that Toby is a natural subject for concern: he's 14, which is damn old for a 70 lb german shepherd mix, he has what my vet is 80% sure is Cushings disease, and 4 years ago two of his discs fused, he couldn't walk, and we had to take him to the University of Tennessee animal clinic in Knoxville for a huge and expensive science fiction operation that somehow miraculously repaired his spine. For a long time after that he couldn't walk very well; he moved around in an odd sideways crablike shuffle. Combined with his shaven back and tail (turns out that he is a yellow dog under all that black fur) he was one of the stranger looking creatures ever seen around Asheville. Which is saying a lot. We took to calling him the Possum Crab - hey possum traaab! - drawled out affectionately. He was embarrassed but okay with it; Toby, although a naturally dignified dog, still has a good sense of humor.

My vet decided he probably had Cushings about 18 months ago. She advised against doing the blood test - it's expensive - and advised against treatment, given his advanced age and the expense of the treatment and the fact that treatment for Cushings doesn't cure it, exactly, it just keeps the patient alive a bit longer.

Toby has just been going along as usual, very slow these days, pants all the time, thirsty all the time, and hobbles and limps as he has for years now, but manages to be mostly okay. Until the last couple of days when he has been eating huge amounts of grass and throwing up. And having trouble sleeping, panting like he can't breathe, getting up and walking around - and crying. I am freaking out. So I sent an email to the Long Beach Animal Hospital who I found after an evening googling Cushings and learning more than I ever wanted to know.

They got back to me this morning, which was nice of them, I wasn't really expecting an answer of any kind, and they suggested VOM. Which sounds hippie dippie and a little too good to be true, but wtf, I'm desperate. SO I looked up North Carolina in their directory, and there, interestingly enough, was my mother's vet.

Now, I wish I could end this story by saying "and then he was all better!" and I'm hoping that eventually I can say that - Toby has rallied before, amazingly - but I called the vet to make an appointment and he's out of town until mid March. Which could be too late. I don't really know what to do. I accept that I will have to make the decision eventually to euthanize this dog, but I'm resisting it fiercely. I don't want him to live in pain, I don't want him unhappy, but I love him, he's been part of my life for 14 years, there is no other dog like him, and I can't stand the thought of losing him. I am afraid, very afraid. I hope this is just PMS and he's actually pretty much fine and I will get him to the VOM doctor and it will work - we'll have another 2 years - oh I really hope so.