Thursday, August 20, 2009

abel served or the wench dies

The exterminators are done and hopefully the bugs are gone. I know I'm being kind of squeamish and weird about not naming the bugs - most of you have guessed anyway - but for some reason I don't want this blog to come up in the google results for Asheville and (3 letter word for a common household item of furniture) bugs. Not that anything much does come up - the gods know I've been doing some googling - but since I have very little to add to those results except whining and the dubious honor of being the first (and hopefully the last, but I wouldn't count on it) Ashevillein to blog about the misery induced by those tiny insects, I think I'll just keep them off. For the record, though, if you, like me, think that Asheville is a small town and thus exempt from the horrors experienced in the last decade by New York, Boston, San Francisco and many, many others, well, think again. The exterminator told me that he'd had 10 calls in the last 2 weeks right here in Buncombe County and he also said that the hotels here were, and I quote, bad for them. Be forewarned. If you go to a hotel or motel, just plan on stripping down before you re-enter your house and tossing everything, including, or maybe especially, your suitcase, into a hot dryer for a long time. Not that that will totally protect you. Nothing, short of divine interference, will do that - and God is apparently too busy locating sewer pipes to stop bugs.

I have the best friends in the world though and I must thank them. Jodi came over yesterday and toiled mightily with me as we scooped every single piece of clothing, sheet, blanket, quilt, towel and scarf that I own into approximately 26 39 gallon sized industrial trash bags. Yes, I am the proud owner of 1,014 gallons of textiles. First World Problems! I tell you! Then she accompanied me to the laundromat where we piled all this into dryers and then unpiled and rebagged - in clean new bags - all of it. None of that could have been done if Charles hadn't kindly loaned me his truck, because 1,014 gallons of clothes is more than my car can hold.

It's been a horrible few days. Now we wait and hope that a) the bugs are gone and b) we don't all die hideously from the lethal chemicals that just got sprayed throughout the house. Oh well. I wonder which vaguely Biblical plague will be visited on my head next!

In other news, I need stuff to read. I have nothing but an incredibly bad thick fantasy novel that I have to keep putting down for egregious abuse of not just the English language but possibly of the English speaking soul. I will have to quote some particularly awful passages but anyway, it's unreadable and I need something new. Recommend to me, please, big fat thick honking novels that will take me away from the plagues with the strength of the Calgon of yore.


Forest Davenport said...

You've probably read these but Pillars of the Earth and World Without End by Ken Follett are both excellent and would be great for a couple of good reads.


Edgy Mama said...

If you're in N. AVL, please come by and feel free to borrow from my groaning bookshelves.

Will of the Hill said...

Dune books by Frank Herbert. I think you'll love the Bene Gesserit witches!

haskell said...

Here's hoping the fumigation works.

You're always welcome to come visit and browse through the boxes of books I inherited from my Mom. You might want to wait till the weather's a little cooler here though (90's this week).

Anonymous said...

Don't look behind U, but I think a large Gerbil just ate your brains out of your head, b/c you are just dribbling stupid poop into the internet...

mygothlaundry said...

Oooooh, a troll! I haven't had one in AGES! Well, troll, let me suggest to you the following ancient wisdom:

Those who write upon the walls
Roll their shit in little balls
Those who read these words of wit
Eat the little balls of shit.

Do you get it? Do you, huh, do you?

Actually, I like the gerbil idea. Thanks!