Moving Tomorrow

I'm moving tomorrow, y'all. I can't quite believe it myself but I spent several hours today over at the new house, where, sadly, someone has stolen some cool stuff out of the yard, specifically, that iron birdcage fireholder whatever it was and the tiki umbrella of which I was so fond. Fuckers. Also, there was raccoon or possibly bear shit on the porch. Their shit, as you may know, looks alike.
"How do you know stuff like that?" asked my brother.
"West by god Virginia," I said, "Taught me something."
Whichever it was, I used a long pole with a paint roller on it that I found in the yard to scrape it off the porch. While I was at it I scraped off the dog shit on the roof that has been there since the last people, whoever they were, the crazy Martian people who painted everything blue and put their large dog on the roof to shit, left. Anywhere you move it always turns out that the last people were crazy Martians who put all their picture hooks in the most bizarre places. This house more than most, too, although they did leave me a lovely painting of a ship with the rigging all done in thread strung from nails. Very artistic.

Anyway I ripped up the carpet in the living room today even though I'm not supposed to. I don't care and besides, I'm running on adrenaline and I did it all myself in like two hours. I am mighty. I am not, however, mighty enough to chase raccoons or whatever it was that chewed up the carpet in the linen closet, so I brought the dogs over to chase away any critters. Naturally they just bounced and panted a lot and wondered what we were doing there. My dogs are cute but useless.

And there's still that funky smell in the house and I don't know how to get it out and oh god, oh god, I'm moving and everything is disastrously confused and messy and my back hurts and tomorrow at 9 the movers will be here and young M has not even begun to pack his room and oh, god, oh, god - I threw away an American flag, too, the one that's been sitting on top of the fridge since the last time I moved. Do you think I'll go to patriotic hell?

Anyway. No internet for some unspecified period of time now. Have fun, y'all. I will be moving. Did I say oh god, oh god yet? Oh god.