Friday, May 09, 2008

well, it's not really getting better

dogs at play
Originally uploaded by mygothlaundry
I'm kind of down, by which I mean that I'm kind of down like Amelia Earhart is kind of gone. I can't seem to cheer up much so I'm taking the night off tonight and staying home absolutely alone and getting enough sleep and otherwise gearing myself up to get psyched to work tomorrow while spending another weekend and the rest of my life alone. WOE! WOE IS ME! Okay, I know, look, it's only been 9 days. I'm trying to get there. I'm walking the stupid dogs and taking the fish oil and going to work and even shaving my legs although part of me keeps saying, hey, silver lining, you no longer need to ever do this again and, what the hell, eat whatever you want - who cares, now? No one! No one cares! WOE! Ooops. You see, that's the problem - that keeps happening and it's a bit disconcerting for my coworkers and the occasional passerby when I start shouting WOE at random intervals. Sigh.

Tonight, however, I'm going to install a ton of spyware in the garden. I went to Toys R Us with young M and his friend C last night - it had been a long time since I took young M to Toys R Us. Turns out he still likes it quite a lot. I like it myself, since now I have another reason to get an I-pod: to wit, they make these little robot dogs and cats and penguins you can plug your Ipod into which will then light up and dance and do other nifty shit like take over the world and bite you or something; I'm not clear on that part but I do know that I want one irrationally. Unfortunately, they no longer have much spy stuff. I can't imagine why, because motion detectors and so on are staggeringly useful items for any age, but I guess they no longer sell well since we have become such a friendly, trusting society. All they had was a big box of varied spyware stuff and the note that if you bought it - and it was already on clearance and on sale - that you would get either the Spy Shredder or the Disc Shooter for free. I looked at the Spy Shredder, thinking that it would be pretty cool to shred spies, but it turned out to be a mini, get this, shredder. As in shredder, like the one you have in your office. What kind of brilliant mind came up with that? Hey kids! Won't it be fun to have your very own tiny shredder? Hours of fun! When that pales you can move on to Excel-Lite Fun With Spreadsheets. I can't imagine why it didn't sell. So we got the Disc Shooter and young M and C, despite being so old and all, promptly got it working and shot each other and the dogs and got most of the discs loaded under the refrigerator and couch which is where all anything shot from a novelty gun thing must go to die.

And Toys R' Us did not have any pinwheels. Can you imagine? No pinwheels? Not even Pirates of the Caribbean pinwheels (there is an inordinate amount of Pirates of the Caribbean merchandise, like if you want Johnny Depp stamped on every single thing you own from your clothes to your backpack to all your toys including trains and cars and microphones and, well, everything, really, then that is not a problem at all) or other character branded pinwheels. "It's a different world, Mom," said young M cheerfully. "Those things were oldschool." And I guess they were. Maybe the dollar store still has them. I saw the groundhog again this morning - desperate measures are in order.

Update: Fuck the spy stuff, the groundhog, the lawn and staying home alone. I'm going to Broadways.

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