Monday, May 12, 2008


Another weekend successfully navigated. I guess successfully - my experience tells me that it's always a successful weekend if you don't break down, freak out or throw up, so, you know, hey, all good. Actually, it was kind of nice for what was basically a one day weekend - on Saturday I went up to Franklin to the wholesale gem & mineral show where I spent too much of my own money. However, I am now the proud possessor of a huge and glorious moonstone ring - not to mention a plastic ring with a beetle in it, a keychain featuring a larger beetle, 10 shell bracelets I got for like a dollar man, a small crystal ball and a couple of seriously groovy plastic bangles. Thus Franklin was pretty fun.

Saturday night S & J came over and we drank beer and looked at J try on hideous clothes from S' cousin's stash of terrifying 80s fashion don'ts and then on Sunday, I went to the arboretum with my mother. Therefore I have a bunch of new pictures up; you are welcome to peruse should you be horribly bored.

This morning at the river I found a crow's feather - a big one. With that and my moonstone ring to hold on to (yeah, I'm a hippie freak with terrifying faux Celtic medieval leanings. I mean, come on, I live in Asheville for godssakes. And I've read way too many fantasy novels. What did you think, I was a paragon of rational thought?) I've decided that this is the first day of the rest of my life, yadda yadda, I'm not going to wig out about being alone forever and betrayed and all that self pitying shit anymore because, well, fuck it. He was clearly not worthy. Not at all. And it's been two weeks and it's time to stop wallowing. Besides there was a cute tall skinny dreadlocked boy who totally checked me out at the gem show. At least I think he did. I'm going with that interpretation for the minute as opposed to various other interpretations involving varying degrees of pity. So now I have to get myself back on track towards buying a house I can't afford while working at a job I can't afford and, oh fuck, I don't know. Writing a book, maybe. Doing something.

In related news, last week I checked out the Craigslist personals. Now, I always read the missed connections because I'm still hoping that there will be something that says "Tall woman with long red hair downtown, I am madly in love with you. Come away with me to Bali." or something like that but alas, there never is. I also occasionally read the normal personals because I love personal ads - they don't work for me, but whatever, they're entertaining as hell to read. I had never, however, before checked out the Casual Encounters section. The Casual Encounters section is where you go if you just want a two hour stand. I'm a little on the desperate side right now so I was thinking about this very possibility but it occurred to me that guys who are desperate enough to post such an ad are likely to be creepy and, in fact, any guy who would ever post such an ad is just defacto too creepy for me to go to bed with even for an hour and, actually, I would probably prefer never to even be in the same room with him. Besides, what if we ran into each other later? That would be bad. Besides that terrible possibility, what about the even more terrible one that once you got into that hotel room and he whipped it out it turned out to be all mutant twisted or minuscule or frighteningly huge or possibly he was an alien and had a lizard dick or something? One must worry about this and apparently many women do, because many of the men have kindly provided pictures of their apparatus to calm just such fears.

That's a problem right there. I love an erect penis as much as the next girl - possibly more, you know, being as how I'm now well over 40 and alone and so on - but I like them to be attached to somebody I know and care about. Just the dick on its own doesn't do much for me. (And, guys, public service message: I'm not alone in this.) When I was looking at the Craigslist ads one in particular caught my eye: it was cropped in really tight so it had a certain disembodied je ne sais quoi - dick in a box! Yay! -and then, I could not, for the life of me, figure out what the hell the angle was or how this guy had taken it himself. I tried to enlarge it so I could get an idea of the angle - like, was he sitting on the camera? Was it possibly taken from underneath? Do they really bend like that? What the hell IS that thing? - but I really couldn't figure it out and then I realized that I was spending way too much time looking at a picture of a penis on Craigslist. If it was really a penis. I think it was a lizardman penis and there you go, that's the danger with Craigslist.


Anonymous said...

Priceless. You're a star in the cynic's firmament.

Edgy Mama said...

You are the funniest person in the universe. I didn't even know I could look at erect penises on Craigslist!