Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Wearin' O The Green

Today is St. Patrick's day. I forgot to wear green - well, I am wearing a green stone necklace - and I feel vaguely ashamed and unclean. I think, although I could be wrong, that this is the very first time in my entire life that I've screwed up the green thing. Oddly enough, I was thinking about the whole wearing green bit the other day and I was reminded of kindergarten. In kindergarten, we all had to sit in a circle on St. Patrick's day (actually, we all had to sit in a circle a lot, not just on holidays. Kindergarten, it seems, is all about learning the ability to sit in a circle, which is a skill that comes in extremely handy in later life on hippie camping trips when you need to sit in a circle to most efficiently pass a joint.) and say what green thing we were wearing. One boy was clearly not wearing any green and I think I can say for the whole class that we were all wondering just what the hell was going to happen to him. Stoning? Public shaming? Execution, perhaps? Forgetting green is serious business. Well, we got around to him, finally, after the rest of the class had pointed to their green shirts or green pants or green tights or whatever - this seems odd, in retrospect. What the hell, was it a remedial class for the colorblind or something? - and he said, and I bet you can see this coming, "I'm wearing green underwear!"

Of course, the entire class broke down into complete hysterics because, if you, like me, were in kindergarten in 1969 or 1970, this was not only the funniest thing you had ever heard but also possibly the most risque. The world was different then, okay? Anyway, I thought it was incredibly daring and also hilarious and I was extremely impressed with this boy from then on in. I'm still kind of impressed, truth be told and so, if anybody cares to enquire today, well, I'm wearing green underwear! Or, um, I might be, because frankly I have no clue what color underwear I'm wearing today - that decision is made before the coffee kicks in - and I'm not pathetic enough to check. No, no, I'm not.


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