Friday, February 05, 2010

Snowpocalypse III: Return of the Yeti

Another day, another snow day, another lifetime's worth of staring blankly out the window at gray rain and white snow, wondering just why you even bother, thinking about whiskey or possibly laudanum, feeling your soul just seep - SEEP! SEEP! - slowly down into a morass of mud and broken dreams. Ha ha! It's funny because it's true! Also, you're out of staples. Or rather I am - not, like, the potatoes and bread and beer kind; those I waited in line at Ingles for an HOUR last night to obtain, but the actual stapley metal kind - and since it takes staples to hold up the garbage bag that is acting in lieu of the more traditional bucket to contain the leak from the porch roof, that is serious and I might have to take off my gnome pajamas and go get some.

However. This is not just another snowed in cabin fever oh my god do you have to chew so loud post! No, it's a Review. I actually got sent something to review. This, I understand, apparently happens to more successful bloggers constantly but being as how they are more, like, successful, they get stuff like diamond necklaces and ferraris and vacations in Bali and then they go off to Bali draped in diamonds to drive ferraris and then they write blog entries that say stuff like "Hey! Ferraris and diamonds and Bali are most excellent! You should try them!" I have long been awaiting my chance at this largesse and finally, because the world is kind and I am wildly successful, what I got sent to review was two tubes of hangover medicine. Go figure! What a crazy stretch!

So. The stuff came in a black plastic tube, about 2 and a half inches long, that says THC on it in large friendly yet urban red letters. As you can imagine, this got my hopes up. Alas, they mean something completely different. It is you see, what is known as a double entendre. How sophisticated! How annoying! Yet I figured that nobody was going to send me actual THC to review - damn it. Anyway, next to the promising letters THC is the standard lurching martini glass and underneath it all it says the hangover cure (notice how they don't use caps, there. That means they're cool and edgy.) and then it says The URL, you will note, is to make sure you don't smoke it by mistake. The directions tell you to drink - not smoke! - the contents of one tube in a glass of water after a night of debauchery.

I was waiting for some true debauchery to arrive but there wasn't much around for a while there and then the dogs, naturally, ate one of the tubes. They seem to be okay - nothing much fazes my dogs, after all - but I figured I had better get right on the debauching so I drank several - 5, to be specific, which is really pretty debauched - beers last night. The sacrifices I make! Anything for the review! Then I drank my THC. No, wait, I smoked - wait. Never. Not me. Anyway, I drank the contents of the tube. It smelled suspiciously like Emergen-C, the tropical variety. It tasted exactly like tropical Emergen-C, although possibly sweeter. Our suspicions (Audrey was part of this experiment but since she is not currently debauching due to a middle ear infection and resultant massive antibiotics and painkillers, she was strictly observing only.) were thus suspiciously aroused and we compared the label to a packet of Emergen-C (note to THC people: next time you should probably choose a blogger who is not, like me, an Emergen-C junkie. I drink it every day, sometimes twice a day. I mean, I knows me some Emergen-C.) and lo, what we had here was basically Emergen-C in less eco-friendly packaging.

Well, to be fair, it isn't exactly Emergen-C, it has 3 extra things in it: milk thistle, L-cysteine and L-glucamine. Oh, and slightly more sugar. Milk thistle is supposed to be good for your liver and I'm going on the scientific premise that anything that begins with L- has got to be good for you, so presumably the THC is extra excellent. I had high hopes. However, this morning I had a headache, which, oddly enough, is exactly what would have happened on any given night that I had 5 beers and drank an Emergen-C. I usually do that every night anyway - I don't know if it helps at all, but, like eating hopping john and collards on New Years Day, it is better to be safe about these things than sorry.

Therefore, here is my review of THC - not, you know, the fun kind, which I have previously reviewed, probably. Dude, if the packaging was a little more friendly - black plastic tube with red and white letters is not doing it for me; it's a lot of tube to throw away for a tiny bit of powder - then it might be slightly, oh slightly, better than Emergen-C, but not much. Still, it's not actively bad for you and it is fairly delicious particularly if you mix it with seltzer, so, hey, whatever! I'm sure I could be feeling worse right now if I hadn't drunk it at all. In summation, six thumbs up, four thumbs down and bring on the ferraris, diamonds and trips to Bali or, actually, pretty much anywhere that isn't Asheville and isn't fucking snowing, sleeting or just plain gruesomely winter miserable.

1 comment:

haskell said...