Thursday, August 28, 2008

Mom

My mother passed away last night at 7 pm.

My brother and I left the hospital at 5, telling Mom we'd be back the next morning. At 6 the nurse called me to say that Mom was failing badly and we needed to get over there. When we got there the nurse said that we could do another operation with another tube, or they could make her comfortable and let her go. No more operations, we said, no more tubes, no more of this hospital shit.

So we stood by our mother, my older brother and me, and held her hands and I talked to her as she went away. I said, You are on a journey. I said, you are on a road and there is grass under your feet and trees along the side and the sun is shining and a guide is ready to meet you at the gate. There are all the good dogs, I said, waiting for you. There's Dad, I said, and my brother said, there's everyone. You are loved, I said, I love you, we love you, you have been the best mother in the whole world and everything I ever learned I learned from you. And my mother left. Her face changed and her soul went away and the numbers on the monitor fell to 0 and the lines became flat.

And now I don't know anything. I don't know what I will ever do again.

42 comments:

Will of the Hill said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. She is at peace. Now the hurt begins. I'm a stranger to you - but I went through it also. I was in a fog for months. But then - when I least expected it - the Sun pierced through and I survived. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

Oh Felicity,

I am so sorry. This is sad news. I remember meeting your mom at The Walters, and that she had to sneak in her water bottle. I feel like I knew her well because of the stories you shared. Please let me know if there is anything we can do to help. Andy and I will hit the road to Asheville the moment you call.

Love, Lanette

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry, but you and your words are a beautiful tribute to your mother and she went knowing she was loved, which is the most important thing.

-Amanda / youcancallmeal

Arwen said...

This makes me reliving saying goodbye to my own mother. I am so sorry for your loss.
Hugs.

skippy haha said...

i am so sorry for your loss. your words were beautiful and i hope you find peace in knowing that her suffering is over and so many people around the world love you and your family. if you need help with anything (dogsitter?) i would love to help.

MissPinkKate said...

So sorry dear :-(

arratik said...

Our thoughts are with you, Fliss. Let us know if there's anything we can do for you.

{{{hugs}}}

jaybird said...

I'm with you, Felicity, as is this vibrant community that has come together for you. Your mother is with you, and will always be with you, nothing can ever change that. Life isa dance of transformation, thus, relationships change. They never end, just change. And we all know change is painful and it sucks, and in that pain we are with you. As the first commenter said, "the sun pierces through," and so it shall. It may already be, for your mother has entered its light. Peace, sister.

Anonymous said...

I'm so very sorry, Felicity. Through all your stories about her, your mother has a presence in my mind. I tell people about the scotch and ensure. May she rest in peace.

- jenn/rainbaby

Jeremy said...

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, Felicity, but how wonderful for your mother that you and your brother were with her as she passed on.

Much love to you and your entire family.

Jim Jenkins said...

Your wit, your skepticism, your irreverence, your dedication to your kids, all stand as a glowing tribute to your mother.

We wish we'd known her, we're thankful that we know you. Peace & Love to you and to your whole family. It's gonna be bumpy road but you're not traveling alone!

Jim & Frank

Maxhamea said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Thank you for your generosity. As terribly sad as I am for you, you and your brother gave her a great gift. I've been thinking about her and you for most of the day. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for the loss to you, your family, her friends & this community. I'm happy that I was able to meet her; she was a classy lady who surprised us all when she liked the "crazy" house.

I went through much of the same with my dad about a year ago, so I'm hear if you ever want to chat.

Hugs,
Danielle

Petulant said...

My thoughts are with you during this time. May you cherish all the memories.

Pet.

zen said...

(((((((( great big crazy world hug )))))))

zen said...

and Helen sends her love and deep deep sympathies (she's out of town)

Anonymous said...

Beautiful tribute, Fliss. I know Mrs. G would be very very pleased. She loved you all very very much.
I'm here for you any time, as you know.
Love,
Susan

THE JANE DOE JOURNALS said...

Felicity I wish I was there to help you. I’m glad I was able to hang out with you and your mom the few times that I did. She was an amazing lady, superb cook, artist, etc. If there is anything I can do from this part of the country let me know. All of my love goes out to you and your family.
Carol

Anonymous said...

Peace to you and your family. So so sorry for your loss. Sending you extra warm bunny love and HUGS.

Edgy Mama said...

I'm glad you were there. So sorry for your loss. still sending healing vibes--to you and your family.

Lori said...

I am so very sorry.

gaspode said...

I'm so so sorry. You and your Mom are in my thoughts.

occhiblu said...

I'm so sorry.

Kathryn said...

That really, really, really sucks. I am so sorry. Our thoughts are with you.

Melanie said...

I am so sorry. Even though I am a stranger my thoughts and prayers are with you. Your Mom will always be with you in your heart.

Anonymous said...

Take care of yourself, and your brother. I'm so sorry to hear about this, and am so glad you were with her at the end. Best to you. I am thinking so many good thoughts your way.

Heather / Sil

Gordon Smith said...

All love to you, Fliss, so sorry.

Jason Bugg said...

I'm sorry for your loss. Death hits us all weird. As you ride the waves of emotion in the next few days, weeks, months, etc. just remember to rely on those around you to get you through it.

Uptown Ruler said...

felicity,

you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

f

Short Street Cakes said...

please know that I and many, many others are holding you and your family in our hearts, in the light, in love.

AM said...

Wow, I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. This post brought tears to my eyes.
Godspeed Mrs. Green.

-bobaloo

bulletholes said...

i kind of randomly wandered in here...or didI?
I buried my Mom Dad and Grandmother all inside a year with two of them being in my home for the event.My dad was extracted from a distant nursing Home and relocated to a Home down the street. He lasted but for two weeks but the two weeks were...unbelievable.

You ask what you will ever do...you will wonder what they think about this and that, knowing they can't answer, and you will become more like them in spite, maybe even because, of the absense.
I see you have written the story in real time...I hope you find the treasures in that story as time passes...its there.

ColdChef said...

You are in my thoughts and I wish you peace.

boringpostcards said...

So, so sorry Fliss. I'm really glad y'all got to be there with her at the end.

yogaboat said...

(((((mgl))))) I'm sorry, girl. One foot in front of the other. however slow, or fast you need to. love, chewie

Bitter Old Punk said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know what else to say.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry.

danf

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry, my friend. What a wonderful woman she must have been to have raised such a strong, funny and ferociously intelligent daughter.
xoxox,
jrossi

Trisha Lynn said...

I only know you from your MeCha posts, but I'm very sorry for your loss.

Gourmet Grrl said...

My deepest condolences. What a difficult road you've been on. Although it's clear you have a loving and strong community of family and friends around you. Your mom sounds like an amazingly spirited woman, just like her daughter.

Kelly Mullen said...

So very sorry mgl.