Sometimes Things Suck

I have to get rid of Jackson the hell hound. This is just not working out. I feel like such a shit; I have no tolerance or compassion for people who adopt animals and then give them up, but here I am about to do it. Well, I mean, I'm going to find him a home. A better home than mine, one that has no cats in it and no kids and an adult who is willing to be there working with him 24/7. Because that is what this dog needs, and I can't provide it. While I'm looking for this wonderful home, I'm going to try to get the guy who gave him to me to take him back. I can't have him in the house anymore.

First, there was the day he had M cornered in his room for two hours. Than there is the ceaseless night trauma: the waking up all night long, barking, waking me up. I haven't had an uninterrupted nights sleep in seven weeks. I feel like I have a newborn. Then, there is the way he refuses to ever give up what he's doing, whether it's trying to get through the gates into the living room, getting into M's room, or whatever. He is the most persistent fucking dog on the planet. And the way he swings his face at you if you try to make him move like you would a normal dog is scary.

But he's getting better! I think. But not better enough and not fast enough. I bit off more than I can chew and on Saturday, while I was piling chairs and tables in front of the dining room door in a mad attempt to keep the howling dog at bay, I realized that this has just gone too far. I can't relax at home, I can't have fun, all I can do is obsess over this goddamn dog. So it must come to an end.

Which means, in a nutshell, that I suck. I have failed recently on many levels - my job situation, which is awful, my relationship situation, which is completely nonexistent, my parenting, which consists of turning my son into a Buffy the Vampire Slayer addict like me. And I can't even keep up with the weeds in the fucking garden; I didn't go out on Saturday to see my friend J's band like I promised I would, and in general I am feeling like a complete and total useless loser at the moment. Damn. Damn damn damn damn. Anyone want a blind hound dog?